10 years ago I was unhappy, stuck in a deep rut and desperate for answers to the age old question, “Why the fuck am I here.” In my search for answers I met a man who channels the Light Council and signed up for a session.

I was really hoping they (the Light Council) would tell me that I was the chosen one, the one who was going to save humanity from itself, the one they had been waiting for. It would then follow that I would go into training to be a spiritual warrior badass. I would seek out evil, right wrongs and be amazing. I would find my latent ability to teleport, time travel and communicate with only my thoughts. And then I would know exactly why  I was here.

Back to reality. The session was over the phone. It started with him getting some information from me and then saying he was going to connect with the council and call me back with their message for me.

I waited on pins and needles, sure that my life was going to change epically as soon as he called back.

He called back. I answered.

He said they had told him that I needed to learn how to let people love me and to love them in return.

That was it. Love was the answer.

To say I was disappointed may be understating it a bit. I was epically pissed off with that lame-ass answer.

How could that be the answer?

Over the next few days I kept going back to this answer mostly to keep the indignation I felt about it alive…. and perhaps to avoid really looking at the true meaning of the message.

On the fourth day I was out for my morning hike and was again thinking about the answer. Having tired of the indignation and in a rare moment of clarity I finally saw what they were trying to tell me.

When I was a child my mother was always say things like, “Oh, don’t go over to your friend’s house, they don’t want you bothering them” or “they don’t want you there, leave them alone”.

I’m not sure how she meant it but on a very deep level I took it to mean they didn’t want my love or my attention.

Hence, I didn’t allow myself to love other people not because I thought they were unworthy of my love but because I thought they wouldn’t want my love.

This realization literally stopped me in my tracks.

That was one messed up thought, and it actually made me laugh.

I laughed because this unconscious thought had been running my life for decades.

I laughed because my quest to figure out why I never felt the emotion of love had been hampered by this little thought.

I laughed because sometimes the human experience is laughable.

I laughed because now that I knew about this sneaky little thought, changing it seemed so easy.

My spiritual journey to find out why I am here really began with the discovery of this thought. I showed me how unconscious thoughts were running my life and causing me to behave in less than productive ways.

My journey will never be over but it becomes more defined with every thought I discover and change.

In a way I am now that spiritual warrior badass finding unhelpful thoughts and conquering them!

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